Lovesick

Happy Throwback Thursday! It has been a busy week and I’m sure the coming weeks will be busier still! My time for writing and posting is alas short, but hopefully I’ll find some moments to be creative 🙂
Today’s throwback poem is from March, about the physical effects of the chronic malady that is lovesickness…

In Emma World

lovesick1

The nauseating butterflies

Stampeding in my stomach,

Pounding, aching head

Crammed with thoughts of you,

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Toy Box

 

Why treat me like some toy to play with when you’re bored,

Just to shut me in your toy box, abandoned and ignored?

No sparing any second thoughts, never your priority,

And when I knocked upon the walls you turned your key on me.

Maybe it was clingy to hang on you like that,

But you wouldn’t say a word when all I wanted was to chat,

Now we’re at the point where not a single word remains,

And I’m left feeling like my punctured heart is wrapped in chains,

Nursing open wounds, and choking back the grief;

Whilst I guess for you the break-up has just come as a relief.

 

When once upon a time, I lived in a blind bliss,

You were the only one I thought of and only one I missed,

I have to say I always thought that you cared more than this,

Now I have to face the fact we’ve long had our last kiss,

All the places where you held me were tainted with a mark,

And simply sliced me open when you left me in the dark,

Bleeding tears of mis’ry every night and every day,

Pleading, “Let me in again, there has to be a way”,

Endless hurt and heartache ‘cause I’ll never see your face;

Does it hurt you too or do you revel in your space?

 

I accept that it is hard to keep things going when apart,

As oceans rolled between us I still dived in with all my heart,

But I guess the distance ‘twixt us really was too big to cross,

And even when I’m closer I’ll still have to rue my loss,

I mean I gave you every reason to just give things a try,

You regret the things you don’t do so much more, and that’s no lie;

It seems that on this subject we do not see eye to eye,

You broke my gaze and broke my heart and now I’m left to cry,

Falling down upon the ground with no one there to catch me;

After time will you regret or are you happy that you’ve lost me?

 

After how you treated me I know I should feel sick

Of your rollercoaster rides, and roundabouts, and tricks,

You played with my heart like a boomerang you threw,

Knowing if you just ignored me that I’d come back to you,

Couldn’t make a decision; a choice was such a chore,

Tactless, rude and ignorant: a coward to the core,

Still yet to tell me why you suddenly changed your mind,

Still haven’t explained yourself, nor apologised, you’ll find.

So perhaps, to be rid of you I really should be glad,

But alas, I really fell for you, so all I feel is sad.

 

Because I just can’t shut out the memories I keep,

Bittersweet to think of but the feelings still run deep,

Of smiling and of laughing and of sharing all our thoughts,

(And although they were senseless, they were silly fun of course),

Of play-fighting and moments when I stared into your eyes –

Moments of perfect happiness to counteract the lies,

What I wouldn’t give to see your eyes and smile again,

But when I realise that I won’t, it only brings me pain,

Way back in those days, you were my comfort and my lover,

Until you turned your back on me and told me that it’s over.

 

Maybe it would hurt less if you only said you’re sorry,

Maybe this is for the best and I really shouldn’t worry,

Maybe you were right that the cycle would continue,

Or, maybe we could work it out if you had the heart in you.

Every day it crawls by like a nightmare on repeat,

Every thought revolves ‘round you whilst walking down the street,

I wish that I could make you see how young love has turned sour,

And I’d make you talk to me again if I only had the power.

You said it’s best to break for good; there’s nothing I can do,

But if you ever truly cared for me, know I’ll always care for you.

 

Emma H, age 21, 19/07/2012

One Year Since

Is it worse the hurt of feeling neglected,

Or the pain of being twice rejected?

The crippling blow when you’re not selected

As if your very heart’s infected.

A bittersweet memory invasion

Interrupts my day-to-day equation,

One year since can drag you down low,

A bombardment of brain bullets show

A world you’ve lost but sorely crave.

Would move on; but you’re not that brave.

In comparison to your current life

Emotional contrasts bring only strife

And misery and longing and stinging tears,

An inner screaming that nobody hears

For a love that’s past but evermore strong,

And a wish that this won’t last too long.

 

Emma H, age 22, 05/11/2013

 

 

Blissful

We

reposed

On a bed of grass

Cradled by the sun

And heads in the clouds

Bliss

Heart pounding

As my trapped innocence

Knocked on the walls

Sighting freedom

In your eyes

Later

We lay

Above the sheets

Fighting unspoken desire

To get between them

But I could feel

Your heat

Skin prickling

With nervous energy

And electric anticipation

Until with your lips

You unlocked

My coffin

And unleashed

The virgin vampiress

Her hot-blooded passion

Surging through veins

Bodies entangled

Tightly

We slumbered

Beneath the covers

Lulled by soft melodies

Embracing new intimacy

Unfamiliar yet

Comforting

Bliss.

 

Emma H, age 26, 07/09/2017

 


This poem is linked to one of my previous poems, bringing back the persona of the Vampiress. The title also pays homage to the fantastic Muse song, “Bliss”.

 

Duets

duets1

 

Our hearts are born

With strings attached

Hung like marionettes

To be manipulated

Strung like harps

To be played.

 

Plucked

By unrehearsed fingers

Our tunes are discordant

Clashing sharps and flats

Strings bent and

Snapped

When misused

Or else we dance

To the dizzying tunes

Of others

And forget to sing

Our own song.

 

When hearts duet

Some melodies

Crescendo fast

And end abruptly

Some refrains

Start brightly

Allegro

Become balladic

Lamenting and woeful.

 

But in heartfelt harmony

Are composed symphonies

Intricately beautiful

Cascading concertos

And lilting legatos

Rare masterpieces

Accompanying our lives

Until eventually

Our cherished aged strings

Wear thin

And our fading tunes

End.

 

Emma H, age 26, 01/09/2017

Conjure

I throw in this cauldron a blossom white,

A verse of love song beautiful to hear,

Then add some sparking stars that throng the night,

And take the presence felt when love is near.

Include a garland of roses so sweet,

A dash of Summer sunshine in a room,

The spellbound silence when two lovers meet,

The Springtime joy cutting through Winter gloom.

 

I call the heavens list’ning to my spell,

Let Cupid’s arrow land into my pot,

Venus dance around in your magic dell,

Then light the fire, stir my mixture hot.

When all is done my potion you will sip,

And feel his kisses touch upon your lip.

 

Emma H, age 14, date unknown

 


I wrote this Shakespearean sonnet 12 years ago for a class in school, with the theme of a love spell/potion. It was then submitted to and published in a schools’ poetry anthology.

I’m proud of this sonnet, and if I were to write another now I don’t think it would be half as good!