Toy Box

 

Why treat me like some toy to play with when you’re bored,

Just to shut me in your toy box, abandoned and ignored?

No sparing any second thoughts, never your priority,

And when I knocked upon the walls you turned your key on me.

Maybe it was clingy to hang on you like that,

But you wouldn’t say a word when all I wanted was to chat,

Now we’re at the point where not a single word remains,

And I’m left feeling like my punctured heart is wrapped in chains,

Nursing open wounds, and choking back the grief;

Whilst I guess for you the break-up has just come as a relief.

 

When once upon a time, I lived in a blind bliss,

You were the only one I thought of and only one I missed,

I have to say I always thought that you cared more than this,

Now I have to face the fact we’ve long had our last kiss,

All the places where you held me were tainted with a mark,

And simply sliced me open when you left me in the dark,

Bleeding tears of mis’ry every night and every day,

Pleading, “Let me in again, there has to be a way”,

Endless hurt and heartache ‘cause I’ll never see your face;

Does it hurt you too or do you revel in your space?

 

I accept that it is hard to keep things going when apart,

As oceans rolled between us I still dived in with all my heart,

But I guess the distance ‘twixt us really was too big to cross,

And even when I’m closer I’ll still have to rue my loss,

I mean I gave you every reason to just give things a try,

You regret the things you don’t do so much more, and that’s no lie;

It seems that on this subject we do not see eye to eye,

You broke my gaze and broke my heart and now I’m left to cry,

Falling down upon the ground with no one there to catch me;

After time will you regret or are you happy that you’ve lost me?

 

After how you treated me I know I should feel sick

Of your rollercoaster rides, and roundabouts, and tricks,

You played with my heart like a boomerang you threw,

Knowing if you just ignored me that I’d come back to you,

Couldn’t make a decision; a choice was such a chore,

Tactless, rude and ignorant: a coward to the core,

Still yet to tell me why you suddenly changed your mind,

Still haven’t explained yourself, nor apologised, you’ll find.

So perhaps, to be rid of you I really should be glad,

But alas, I really fell for you, so all I feel is sad.

 

Because I just can’t shut out the memories I keep,

Bittersweet to think of but the feelings still run deep,

Of smiling and of laughing and of sharing all our thoughts,

(And although they were senseless, they were silly fun of course),

Of play-fighting and moments when I stared into your eyes –

Moments of perfect happiness to counteract the lies,

What I wouldn’t give to see your eyes and smile again,

But when I realise that I won’t, it only brings me pain,

Way back in those days, you were my comfort and my lover,

Until you turned your back on me and told me that it’s over.

 

Maybe it would hurt less if you only said you’re sorry,

Maybe this is for the best and I really shouldn’t worry,

Maybe you were right that the cycle would continue,

Or, maybe we could work it out if you had the heart in you.

Every day it crawls by like a nightmare on repeat,

Every thought revolves ‘round you whilst walking down the street,

I wish that I could make you see how young love has turned sour,

And I’d make you talk to me again if I only had the power.

You said it’s best to break for good; there’s nothing I can do,

But if you ever truly cared for me, know I’ll always care for you.

 

Emma H, age 21, 19/07/2012

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One Year Since

Is it worse the hurt of feeling neglected,

Or the pain of being twice rejected?

The crippling blow when you’re not selected

As if your very heart’s infected.

A bittersweet memory invasion

Interrupts my day-to-day equation,

One year since can drag you down low,

A bombardment of brain bullets show

A world you’ve lost but sorely crave.

Would move on; but you’re not that brave.

In comparison to your current life

Emotional contrasts bring only strife

And misery and longing and stinging tears,

An inner screaming that nobody hears

For a love that’s past but evermore strong,

And a wish that this won’t last too long.

 

Emma H, age 22, 05/11/2013

 

 

Inexperienced – A Tanka

inexperienced3

 

A heart that’s playful,

Body lustful, afire love,

Young passion blooming;

Excitement of something new

Courses hot through burning veins.

 

A heart that’s lifeless,

Body untouched, veins run cold,

Young love extinguished;

The new-felt pain of heartache

Like frostbite stinging the soul.

 

Emma H, age 26, 20/09/2017

 


A double tanka for Kiwinana’s Weekly Tanka Challenge – Week 63 – “cold & “playful”. You can find out more or read other entries here:

Weekly Tanka Prompt Challenge – Week 63 – Playful & Cold